How to check in on someone going through a hard time

In a world that often feels fast paced and overwhelming, it’s easy to miss the signs that someone around us might be struggling. 

Whether it’s a friend, colleague, family member, or someone in your community, knowing how to check in can make a real difference.

This isn’t just about grand gestures, sometimes the smallest act of kindness or concern can be the most powerful.

🧠 Why it matters

Mental health struggles, personal loss, financial pressure, or burnout often go unnoticed, especially when people are trying hard to “carry on” as normal. 

Checking in not only offers a moment of relief, but also shows someone they are seen, heard, and valued.

According to Mind UK, 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem each year. And yet, many won’t talk about it unless asked.

✅ Signs someone might be struggling

• Withdrawal from social interaction

• Sudden changes in mood or energy

• Missed work or frequent cancellations

• Difficulty concentrating

• Change in appearance or self care

These signs don’t always mean someone is going through something difficult, but they can be clues that it’s time to reach out.

🤝 Ways you can check in

Here are simple and effective ways to show you care:

• Start with a message: A text, email, or voice note like “Hey, just thinking about you, how are things going?” can go a long way.

• Be specific: Instead of asking “How are you?”, try “How have you been feeling lately with everything going on?”

• Offer your time: Invite them for a walk, coffee, or call, even if they say no, the offer shows you care.

• Listen more than talk: Let them share, without needing to ‘fix’ the situation.

• Follow up: If they’ve told you something difficult, check back in a few days later. It shows consistency and care.

💡 What if they don’t want to talk?

Respect their boundaries. Let them know you’re available whenever they feel ready. Sometimes just knowing someone is there is enough.

You could say:

“That’s totally fine. Just know I’m always here if you ever want to chat or need anything.”

🌱 For those in the third sector

If you're a charity worker, volunteer, or community leader, you may regularly come into contact with people experiencing hardship. 

Your support matters more than you know. But don’t forget to check in on your colleagues and yourself, too.

You don’t have to be a mental health expert to be there for someone. You just have to care enough to ask, to listen, and to keep showing up.

Your message might be the one thing that helps someone feel less alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available:

Mind UK - 0208 215 2243

Samaritans – 116 123 (free, 24/7)

Shout – Text 85258